One of the hugest secrets we attempt to keep is a sense of self-governance and pride. The notion or sensation that you are crucial in some special way, that you are loved by a unique person, that somebody is giving you special attention, these are some of the ego’s very subtle secrets. We are striving to hide our Heavenly Self and are engaging in all these diverse games, which appear to be very disconcerting. It is quite depressing and it really doesn’t go anywhere, so we endeavor to get scraps of distinctive love, attention and recognition to prop ourselves up.
We work so hard at becoming “better people”, at acquiring greater intelligence and more skills. We want to be appreciated more and be more famous. The entire self-help sector is focused on improving the self so you can become a better you. That is another gimmick we secretly play on ourselves, thinking we have to keep rotating our wheels trying to turn into better. This self-improvement game is another secret we can to learn to let go of. It is very relaxing when you start to grasp that you do not have to grow into any better than you presently are. You were formed perfect. It is not through self-improvement that you find tranquility but through self-acceptance.
As I engaged with A Course in Miracles, I could notice that there was a dread of divine love in my mind. I recognized this was the ego’s fear of losing itself. The ego is afraid of being uncovered and being seen as a puff of nothingness. That is the dread of intimacy. We discuss about this terror in relationships, which is sometimes portrayed as fear of sexual intimacy, but it is really a terror of dropping our persona, our mask of uniqueness. It is the fear of getting swept away by a splendid love, a love so intense that none of us can even imagine something as glorious and mighty!
For me, those are the big secrets, because it doesn’t start off with this great consciousness. It always starts with feeling like you have done something inappropriate, whether you’ve masturbated, swiped something, abused an individual, or there is something in your mind that you have deemed as so horrible that you don’t even want to face it, you just want to overlook about it and push it out of awareness.
Underneath all those recollections and thoughts, is the belief that we are parted. This is the “secret” we hide. It really is an unattainable belief, but we think that it is true; We have judged it as ghastly and have pushed it out of consciousness. All unconscious guilt comes from this belief in separation. And as you really give yourself over to the miracle, you feel all those hidden beliefs and secrets are being washed away and you finally confront this hidden belief in disunion!
Please, share any thoughts and observations with me below, I’d appreciate to hear about your experience!
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