A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements on their amount of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier levels of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.

We’re human; conflicts are unfortunately a portion of life’s journey. In the love where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that people won’t always see eye to eye collectively. Imagine this instance, when your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).

Anger is definitely an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as opposed to principled responses. Countless regrettable actions and thoughts take place in such moments. One time i did a talk in the bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words won’t hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words could cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long afterwards bone fractures are already healed. There was clearly a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote a song entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”

As an alternative to holding on to this negativity, you can consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s visualize it together. Picture yourself in this heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Imagine if you had been able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or maybe your partner?

Keep in mind that you don’t must be physically or even verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts might be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you’ll become withdrawn and significant throughout an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.

Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, you will want to strike when the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool off and funky off, and share your emotions and thoughts when you are ready and they are competent at clarity and compassion.

You won’t be sorry.

“Prejudice of any kind signifies that you might be identified using the thinking mind.
It means you don’t understand the other man anymore, only your own concept of that man. To cut back the aliveness of some other man into a concept is a type of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle

PRACTICE

Imagine that you’re on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the length of life. It doesn’t matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off track sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors realize that sometimes the best thing you can do-or the one thing you can do-is to simply ride your storm. Permit the feelings blow through you then pass. Ride out your mental storm. It’s merely a cascade of chemicals, you understand, according to fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s better to stay afloat once you relax one’s body instead of once you tense up and panic in water?

Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown inside their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with one of these mantras:

Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.

Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…

Later I will analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I will wait and survive.

Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and better analyze the storm, and to know what caused it. You can even discover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?

What helped you survive? How can you make this transition easier later on?

Utilize the storm just as one opportunity to gain innovative skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, do not forget that storms can be a portion of life, however, you possess the chance to navigate the right path through them. You are going to always come back to calm clear skies.

“Obstacles do not block the path; these are path.” -Anonymous

Dr. Linda Miles is definitely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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